Becoming a Mum Left Me Incontinent – We Need to Talk About Birth Injuries

Becoming a mum left me incontinent – For over a decade, Geeta Nayar has lived with the lingering effects of a birth injury that changed her life forever. During a forceps-assisted delivery, she experienced a third-degree tear, which led to bowel incontinence shortly after giving birth. Despite the significant impact on her daily life, she was sent home without any follow-up or assistance. This lack of support has left her grappling with both physical and emotional challenges, altering her routine and even her career path.

A Hidden Struggle

Geeta, now 47, shared her story at a recent women’s health event in Cardiff, describing the shock she felt when her body began to betray her. “It was a complete surprise,” she said. “I had no idea my heritage or my height could increase the risk of an obstetric anal sphincter injury.” Her experience highlights how many women are unaware of the potential complications that can arise during childbirth, especially those from certain cultural backgrounds or with specific physical traits.

“I suffered my first episode of total bowel incontinence the very next day, but I was discharged without any follow-up or support,” Geeta recounted. “From then ’til now, I live with pain and incontinence, and that’s something that’s really not discussed widely – with women generally, and certainly within certain communities.”

Rhi, a 49-year-old woman from Cardiff, has faced similar struggles. Her birth injury, caused by an anal sphincter tear during the delivery of her son, left her dealing with both bowel incontinence and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Rhi described how the memory of her son’s birth haunts her daily, making it difficult to share her story without feeling guilty about the pain it caused her. “I still see that moment most days,” she said. “I don’t have the same emotional reaction to it now, but I will never have a nice memory of his birth, and that’s a horrible thing to say – and partly why I don’t want to tell him the whole story.”

Both women have kept their conditions private, fearing judgment or misunderstanding from others. For Rhi, the stigma associated with bowel incontinence has made it hard to discuss her experiences openly. “There’s embarrassment when talking about such an intimate area,” she noted. “If it was a barrier for me, I can’t imagine what kind of barrier it is for other women who may have very different cultural backgrounds or who don’t speak English as a first language.”

The Silent Epidemic

According to the British Journal of General Practice, approximately 20% of women experience bowel or anal incontinence, often linked to childbirth-related injuries. These injuries can occur during vaginal deliveries or when medical interventions like forceps or vacuum extraction are used. Despite their prevalence, many women suffer in silence, unaware that their symptoms are a result of the physical toll of labor.

Rhi’s journey was particularly challenging. Within 24 hours of giving birth, she began experiencing incontinence, and her mental health deteriorated rapidly. She was eventually placed under the care of a community mental health team. However, when she sought help from a gynaecologist, she was told her symptoms were due to her mental state rather than a physical injury. “I walked away thinking: this is my new normal,” she reflected.

Her life became a constant adjustment, with every trip planned around the availability of restrooms. “Social media images of perfect family days out don’t reflect my reality,” Rhi explained. “Each outing is a calculated effort to avoid embarrassment, and even then, I often have to get changed somewhere.” She described how her hold time for bowel control was as short as 30 seconds, a detail that underscores the severity of her condition.

It wasn’t until her second child was born three years later that she was referred to a colorectal surgeon. This discovery marked a turning point, as the specialist confirmed her anal sphincter tear. Five years ago, Rhi underwent a procedure to implant a sacral nerve stimulation system, which helps regulate bowel function by stimulating the nerves. “I went from having accidents pretty much every day, through urgency, to only once a month,” she said. “It’s not a miracle cure, but it’s very good management.”

A Voice for Change

Rhi’s resilience has inspired her to become an advocate for women facing similar challenges. Through her anonymous blog, “A Mum from the ‘Diff,” she shares her journey to raise awareness about birth injuries and the barriers that prevent women from seeking help. She also volunteers with the Masic Foundation, a support group in south Wales, to connect with others who have experienced these difficulties.

Geeta, who has also become an active voice in the conversation, emphasized the need for better understanding and support. “The impact of these injuries is often overlooked,” she said. “Women are left to deal with them alone, without the resources or knowledge to manage their condition effectively.” Her story and Rhi’s experiences highlight the importance of addressing the emotional and physical toll of birth injuries, especially in communities where these issues are not widely discussed.

Recent efforts in Wales have brought attention to this underrepresented issue. Maternity units there are now implementing OASI care bundles, which include educating pregnant women about the risks of obstetric anal sphincter injuries. These bundles aim to identify women who may be more vulnerable, such as those with a history of previous tears, or who have specific anatomical characteristics. By doing so, they hope to reduce the stigma and ensure that women receive the care they need during and after childbirth.

Geeta’s son, who was born 17 years ago, has become a quiet witness to her struggles. He once remarked, “Your eyes smile now and they didn’t smile before,” a poignant reminder of how her condition has affected her life. For both Geeta and Rhi, the road to recovery has been long, but their determination to speak out offers hope for future mothers who may face similar challenges. By sharing their stories, they are paving the way for a more open conversation about birth injuries and the support systems that can make a difference.