What Death Doulas Can Teach Us About Dying

What death doulas can teach us about – Death doulas, often likened to soul midwives, are increasingly becoming a vital part of modern end-of-life care. Their role is not only to accompany individuals during their final moments but also to guide families through the emotional and practical aspects of death. Rita Ball, a trained death doula based in London, emphasizes the profound significance of such support. For her, the act of holding a person’s hand as they take their last breath is more than a gesture—it’s a deeply meaningful connection that captures the essence of life’s end.

“It is absolutely raw,” Ball says, “to witness this life that is leaving the world.” Over three years, she has provided this comfort to multiple families, acting as a non-medical companion who helps navigate the final days of life. Ball often encounters individuals who are uncertain about how to express their emotions during the dying process. “I hear a real sense of relief when I say it’s OK to hold them, kiss them, play music, talk to them,” she explains. These moments of intimacy and reassurance are central to the doula’s mission, helping people feel at ease with the natural progression of death.

While birth doulas are well-known for their support during pregnancy and childbirth, death doulas have gained traction in the last decade. Emma Clare, chief executive of End of Life Doula UK, highlights this growing trend. In 2025, the organization saw a significant surge in membership, with 114 doulas joining—a sharp contrast to previous years. Celebrities such as Nicole Kidman and Ruby Wax have also embraced the role, with Davina McCall expressing her intention to become one upon retiring. This shift reflects a broader cultural movement toward personalized end-of-life experiences.

Death doulas offer a unique blend of emotional and logistical support. According to Clare, their services can range from £25 to £45 per hour, though some provide their assistance for free. For Fanny Behrens, a resident of Devon, this support was transformative. Ten months before her husband passed away from cancer, she reached out to Sarah Parker, a death doula. “Sarah was just amazing with me while I just sobbed and sobbed in her kitchen,” Behrens recalls. The doula became a sanctuary during her grief, offering a space where she could openly express her emotions without the weight of familial expectations.

“It was incredible to be able to talk to someone who wasn’t family, who wasn’t involved, and who could just be there, while I let myself fall apart with the grief of it,” Behrens says.

Parker not only provided emotional solace but also facilitated important conversations between Behrens and her husband. She encouraged the couple to discuss the husband’s final wishes, such as burial preferences and the tone of his funeral. This assistance extended beyond the immediate moment of death, as Parker helped Behrens manage the administrative tasks of contacting undertakers and registering the death. “She was good at reminding me to look after myself too and not just get lost in the other person’s needs,” Behrens adds.

The impact of a death doula often transcends the dying person. Ball, for instance, has visited funeral homes to deliver messages on behalf of families and assisted in organizing memorial services. Others contribute to the community by hosting death cafes, where people gather to discuss death over tea and cake, fostering open dialogue about end-of-life matters. These initiatives aim to demystify death and create a more compassionate environment for those nearing the end of their lives.

Krista Hughes, a death doula working with the cancer charity the Mulberry Centre, underscores the importance of forging a strong bond with the dying. “When someone is born they are born into loving hands,” Hughes says, “and we hope they are able to die into loving hands.” This sentiment highlights the emotional connection doulas build, which can be crucial in allowing individuals to pass away on their own terms. Hughes recounts an instance where a patient wished to die in a garden but faced medical constraints. To honor this wish, she transformed a space into an imaginary garden, incorporating elements like lavender oil, bird sounds, and vivid imagery to recreate the desired atmosphere.

Death doulas also play a role in educating people about the physical changes that occur during the dying process. Ball mentions how explaining these transitions can alleviate fear. For example, she notes that as individuals approach the end, their body temperature and breathing patterns shift. “At the end there can be a death rattle—a sound of hard breathing that can be frightening for people in the room,” she says. By preparing loved ones for these changes, doulas help normalize the experience, making it less daunting.

Marian Krawczyk, a researcher in end-of-life care at the University of Glasgow and founder of the End-of-Life Doula International Research group, emphasizes the necessity of evolving end-of-life practices. She argues that the way people die has transformed over time, necessitating new approaches to care. “End-of-life care has to evolve,” Krawczyk states, “because the way people die has changed.” This evolution includes a greater emphasis on individualized experiences, emotional support, and community engagement, all of which death doulas embody.

As the demand for death doulas grows, their presence is reshaping how society views death. By combining empathy with knowledge, these professionals are helping people embrace the final stages of life with dignity and grace. Whether through direct support, education, or community outreach, their work is a testament to the importance of human connection in the face of mortality.